Almost There
6:11 PM
We
are less than one month from the wedding – less than one month until I am his wife, and he is
my husband. One month until we can fully embrace one another, fully give
ourselves to one another, fully begin to live a shared life with one another.
It is astounding how blessed we are – blessed with our families and friends,
with so much love and support, with our faith, with each other – blessed beyond
all telling. God is truly good.
Engagement photo shoot. It was cold.
It
is busy these days. Sometimes I have a Sisyphean sense of futility – there is always something more to get done. I don’t seem to appreciate finishing any task, because there are always three others that I have not yet completed. But I am trying to cultivate a spirit of gratitude and peace, trying to let go of my internal deadlines and trust that it is all in the Lord’s hands.
And sometimes I am blessed with that sense of deep peace and joy – that sense of vocation. That sense that this is what I am
made to do – to love him and to learn to be loved by him. To witness to the
world the truth of what love is – all-giving, all-sacrificing. There must be
nuns praying for me somewhere, because I am deriving so much strength from the
memories of that discernment – the memories of what I was ready to give up for
God. And it helps now, as I am contemplating what I may need to give up in the
future – the ease of life without children, the luxury of focusing on school without
a family to care for; the independence of living on my own, with my own budget,
making my own decisions.
We
are not perfect in our discipleship, not perfect in our love. We grow weary with school and work, become discouraged, lose hope and
perspective. We forget how blessed we are. I let tiny hurts fester within me,
follow paths of pain backwards through my mind until I cannot find my way back
into the light. I distrust him too often, forgetting that he is good and kind.
But I am learning to trust – I am learning to remember more easily how good he
is, and how much he loves me.
There is joy in sacrifice for His sake – joy in realizing what we do not need, and in recognizing what we have in Him. Joy in remembering why we are doing this, and for Whom.
This will be the second reading at our wedding Mass, but they are good words for this time of preparation as well.
This will be the second reading at our wedding Mass, but they are good words for this time of preparation as well.
Brothers and sisters: Rejoice in the Lord always. I shall say it again: rejoice! Your kindness should be known to all. The Lord is near. Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Keep on doing what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me. Then the God of peace will be with you.
~Philippians 4:4-9
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